The Wandering Salesman

Wow!

Simply amazing. I’ve stayed in my fair share of hotels over the years and as someone who spends 60+ nights a year in them, I think I have become fairly blase about the quality and service you receive. For the most part, staying in a hotel is so monotonous.

Same check-in experience. Same ride up the elevator. Same damn issue with the key not working in the door. Same drab room decor. Same food. Same robotic service. Same. Same. Same.

So for a hotel to “break” that heavily entrenched view, in my mind, it would have to be remarkable.

And the W Hong Kong is just that. I was travelling with a client and he said on check-out, “that’s easily the best hotel experience I have ever had”.

This from a man, who has the patience of a 2-year old who has just inhaled a red bull and eaten a entire block of chocolate.

Or something like that…

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So I spent a couple of quick days in Manila the week before last. Stayed in the Mandarin Oriental. Flew Jetstar (again). Don’t start me.

I reckon people who fly Low Cost Carriers for work are either self employed idiots like me or have sort of masochistic tendencies.It was my first time at the Mandarin. The Pen was booked up the wazoo.

Now before you all jump to conclusions that I live the life of riley and am a wanker and only stay at 5-star hotels, I will have you know that in Manila, hotels such as the Peninsula can be be booked for around A$150 a night.

Anyway, the Mandarin wasn’t a bad hotel. Wasn’t that good either. Probably not worth the money though even though the rate was a respectable US$170 per night and included breakfast and internet access.

I thought that there must have been some sort of transvestite function on in town or ladyboy event. There were no rooms to be had anywhere. (ok, I made that bit up about the transvestite function. The ladyboy gig, well, I’m not so sure).

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When was the last time you checked into a hotel and the first thing you noticed when you arrived was the smell of the place, both inside and out?

I’ve stayed at a lot of airport hotels. The convenience is obvious.

But the Sheraton JFK takes the cake. To be honest, it was a bit of an effort to get there. United lands in Terminal 1 at JFK, which means you get on the AirTrain thing and hoof it 3 stops to the hotel shuttle pick up point.

It’s where the rental car offices are located.

Fair enough. Easy to figure out.

Then you hit that “Noo-York” attitude. Which I love by the way, but it’s been a while since I’ve been here so you have to remember where you are.

It’s the attitude that no one is bigger than the city. If you complain, the average service worker will get back up in your face.

The other thing you have to remember about JFK and New York is that this is the mecca of opportunity.

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I’ve always wondered why people sleep in airports (apart from the obvious).

I mean, assuming you’ve had the means to get organised and buy an international plane ticket, then surely you would think when you looked at your final itinerary “gee whizz, look at this itinerary – it looks like we have a layover of 8+ hours in Changi. Lets worry about where we’ll sleep later”

Or something like that.

I mean have a look at this guy. Does he really look comfortable? This is about 4.30am in the morning.

And as I wandered through Changi airport at o’dark hundred this morning, there were people everywhere. I had no idea that there was a whole other side to plane travel. But more on that later.

Maybe I’m getting too old. But I’ll tell you what I’m getting too old for. It’s the itinerary I’m on right now.

SIN-MEL-SIN-HKG-SFO-JFK

To the travel newbies and to explain the above routing, I flew from Singapore to Melbourne for a 2-hr presentation, turned straight around and went back to Singapore, transited for 6-hrs, and then jumped on a flight to New York, via Hong Kong and San Francisco.

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Ok, so it’s not my favourite city in Asia. But it’s by no means the worst.

Actually, truth be told, the reason I’m not a huge fan is that on most occasions, my chosen mode of air travel is via LCC (Low Cost Carrier).

I hate to admit it, but I’ve taken Jetstar Asia twice now in the past month. I suppose sub $400 Singapore Dollars is a whole lot better than $700+ on SQ etc. And it’s only a short 3-hr hop, so what could possibly go wrong. Right?

Well, for one, the Singapore to Manila run is constantly filled with FDW’s (Foreign Domestic Workers). Or Maids. Or as the wife of a British mate of mine likes to call theirs “our helper”.

The Poms crack me up. Those pricks helped invent the word slavery and now they’ve all gone soft and insist on being politically correct and calling their live in, paid employee a “housekeeper”. Trust me, they’re maids. At least our is anyway.

Thankfully, the o’dark hundred departure out of Singapore hasn’t been packed to the gills lately. No priority check-in, no priority bag tag, no lounge, nothing. Nada. Zip.

My wife reckons me travelling on Jetstar is good for the soul. Silly cow.

You have to begrudingly admire Jetstar though. If you want to check luggage – you pay. Then if you want a front row seat, pay more. An exit, pay more. What about sitting in row 2, 3 or 4. We can do that for a fee.

Yes, give me your money. It’s me, me, me, me, me.

Look at this photo.

They actually think the average Filipino is going to fork out another $30 bucks to sit in the exit row or the first row.

If you told that same average Filipino that it would be $10 cheaper to sit in the cargo hold, or strapped to the wing, there would be be plenty of volunteers.

I sat in the first row behind the middle exit and the only pricks in the actual exit rows were Jetstar employees who were obviously dead-heading back to Manila

The blood sucking continues.

Want something to eat? Pay up you clueless self-loading freight. Duty free, no  drama’s – gimme your credit  card. I’m amazed they don’t have pay on demand IFE. I  knew I was flying on Shitstar today, so I loaded up the Mac with the latest Top  Gear episode and I was  all set. (more…)