The Wandering Salesman

So I spent a couple of quick days in Manila the week before last. Stayed in the Mandarin Oriental. Flew Jetstar (again). Don’t start me.

I reckon people who fly Low Cost Carriers for work are either self employed idiots like me or have sort of masochistic tendencies.It was my first time at the Mandarin. The Pen was booked up the wazoo.

Now before you all jump to conclusions that I live the life of riley and am a wanker and only stay at 5-star hotels, I will have you know that in Manila, hotels such as the Peninsula can be be booked for around A$150 a night.

Anyway, the Mandarin wasn’t a bad hotel. Wasn’t that good either. Probably not worth the money though even though the rate was a respectable US$170 per night and included breakfast and internet access.

I thought that there must have been some sort of transvestite function on in town or ladyboy event. There were no rooms to be had anywhere. (ok, I made that bit up about the transvestite function. The ladyboy gig, well, I’m not so sure).

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Ok, so it’s not my favourite city in Asia. But it’s by no means the worst.

Actually, truth be told, the reason I’m not a huge fan is that on most occasions, my chosen mode of air travel is via LCC (Low Cost Carrier).

I hate to admit it, but I’ve taken Jetstar Asia twice now in the past month. I suppose sub $400 Singapore Dollars is a whole lot better than $700+ on SQ etc. And it’s only a short 3-hr hop, so what could possibly go wrong. Right?

Well, for one, the Singapore to Manila run is constantly filled with FDW’s (Foreign Domestic Workers). Or Maids. Or as the wife of a British mate of mine likes to call theirs “our helper”.

The Poms crack me up. Those pricks helped invent the word slavery and now they’ve all gone soft and insist on being politically correct and calling their live in, paid employee a “housekeeper”. Trust me, they’re maids. At least our is anyway.

Thankfully, the o’dark hundred departure out of Singapore hasn’t been packed to the gills lately. No priority check-in, no priority bag tag, no lounge, nothing. Nada. Zip.

My wife reckons me travelling on Jetstar is good for the soul. Silly cow.

You have to begrudingly admire Jetstar though. If you want to check luggage – you pay. Then if you want a front row seat, pay more. An exit, pay more. What about sitting in row 2, 3 or 4. We can do that for a fee.

Yes, give me your money. It’s me, me, me, me, me.

Look at this photo.

They actually think the average Filipino is going to fork out another $30 bucks to sit in the exit row or the first row.

If you told that same average Filipino that it would be $10 cheaper to sit in the cargo hold, or strapped to the wing, there would be be plenty of volunteers.

I sat in the first row behind the middle exit and the only pricks in the actual exit rows were Jetstar employees who were obviously dead-heading back to Manila

The blood sucking continues.

Want something to eat? Pay up you clueless self-loading freight. Duty free, no  drama’s – gimme your credit  card. I’m amazed they don’t have pay on demand IFE. I  knew I was flying on Shitstar today, so I loaded up the Mac with the latest Top  Gear episode and I was  all set. (more…)